


When the fire dims

by kagme



Series: Every reality with you [7]
Category: Video Blogging RPF, twoset violin
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Emotional Support, Established Relationship, Family, Friendship, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Negative Body Image, They’re gonna be okay, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2020-09-20
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:53:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26566867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kagme/pseuds/kagme
Summary: “I’ve always known you were- you were like that in a relationship. That you need that spark, that fire to keep things going. I’ve seen you with every person you’ve ever dated, I’m your best friend for fuck’s sake, I should have known better…” Brett doesn’t say anything, even when the pause in Eddy’s speech lingers. “But still, when things started to calm down between us, when we slowly reverted back to being best friends more than boyfriends jumping each other all the time, I still thought it would be okay. That I would be the exception.”“But you are! You’re the exception in the sense that, you’re not my ex, you’re my best friend. Even if we’re not together, like, romantically, I still really really want us to be best friends again.”“Dude, you’re an idiot. We never stopped being best friends.”
Relationships: Eddy Chen & Brett Yang, Eddy Chen/Brett Yang
Series: Every reality with you [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2081190
Comments: 35
Kudos: 90





	When the fire dims

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文-普通话 國語 available: [【授权翻译】心火有时尽](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29753100) by [Jonnayoly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jonnayoly/pseuds/Jonnayoly)



> Hey :) welcome to a very angsty one shot. I wanted to give my own spin to what a realistic break up between Brett and Eddy would look like, and write about how much passion is over played in media when this isn’t the root of a relationship. This a very particular kind of one shot, and has nothing to do with what I’ve written before, but I still stayed soft (I don’t know how to not write softly). I guess you could call this softly painful.
> 
> This is beta read by the amazing Ria, thank you for your work!

**When the fire dims**

  
  


Eddy has felt something was wrong from the second Brett knocked on his door.

Because he never knocks on his door; he has the keys, he basically lives here, why would he need Eddy to open for him? 

  
  


> _There were kisses at the back of his neck, fingers trailing on his hip, and Eddy blinked his eyes open, still groggy._
> 
> _“What time is it?” he mumbled, not fully awake._
> 
> _“Around ten or so, I just got here and thought I would wake you up nicely.”_
> 
> _Eddy sighed and turned his head to offer more skin to Brett’s lips, then shrieked when the fingers dug in his ribs to tickle the sleep out of him._
> 
> _“You dickhead! St- no, Brett stop!” he squawked, trying to swat Brett’s hands away from him, feeling him laugh against his back. “That’s not a nice wake up at all!”_
> 
> _“It is for me,” Brett snickered before sauntering away. “Alright, get up, I made some coffee and then we have to film.”_
> 
> _“I thought you just got here,” Eddy grumbled, dragging himself out of bed._
> 
> _“I lied!” Brett replied from the kitchen and Eddy laughed._

  
  


It has been a while, now that he thinks about it, since Brett came to wake him up in his bed. He opens the door, and his boyfriend is standing on the other side, grim faced.

Something is definitely wrong, and Eddy’s heart picks up in his chest.

“Hey. Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

He tries to go for a hug but Brett evades him and steps inside the apartment.

“I, huh- I need to talk with you,” he lowers his eyes and refuses to meet Eddy’s concerned gaze.

There’s a weight at the bottom of his stomach, and his throat doesn’t work properly. Brett never wants to talk.

  
  


  
  


> _It started that one evening, on the third episode of Erased they were watching. They kept making comments and overall ruining the anime, and Brett had this gift to make him burst out laughing during the most dramatic moments._
> 
> _They were looking at each other, still chuckling, the lights from the TV gave strange shapes to their faces, then without any warning, Brett pushed him back against the couch, climbed over him and kissed him._
> 
> _“We should talk about it,” Eddy said after it happened for the fifth time._
> 
> _“What is there to talk about?” Brett shrugged, lips still hovering over his. “I like you, you like me, kissing is nice. Now can we get back to it?”_
> 
> _“Wait, wait, are we together?”_
> 
> _Brett blinked at him, frowning as if Eddy was an idiot._
> 
> _“Yeah, I thought that was pretty obvious from the moment I kissed you and you kissed back.”_

  
  


  
  


Brett is taking his time, sitting on the couch, carefully choosing his words. Eddy is terrified of what might come out of his mouth. He thinks he knows, and he wants to run away, pretend this isn’t happening. But Brett forges on.

“I don’t know how to say that but- first, you have to know you’re my best friend Eddy, and nothing will change that.”

“I know,” he whispers back, and his heart is done thundering because it’s too busy shattering; there’s inevitably in what Brett will say next, and he can’t stop it.

“Can you- don’t stand there, just come sit with me.” Eddy obeys as if on autopilot, he feels a stranger in his body as his best friend takes his hand. It’s cold and clammy; Brett is nervous. “So, huh- Yeah. I really like you, and we’ve known each other for forever, and we’ve got TwoSet together, and I don’t want any of that to change, but- I- oh fuck. This is so hard.”

“Please, just- out with it,” Eddy begs because he wants this to be over with so he can throw Brett out and cry until his body is empty of tears.

“I’m not in love with you anymore,” he drops the bomb in one breathe.

“Fuck.”

He was expecting it, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less.

  
  


> _“I love you, Eddy.”_
> 
> _“I love you too, hey.”_
> 
> _“No, I don’t mean it in the ‘I love you man’ bro way. I mean it in the ‘I’m crazy about you’ way.”_
> 
> _“I-”_
> 
> _“You don’t have to say it back,” Brett started, licking his lips. “I just- I just thought you should know. We haven’t even been together for three months, so that’s probably way too early, but-”_
> 
> _“No, no. It’s- it’s not too early! Brett, we’ve known each other for, like, fifteen years. It’s definitely not too early. I love you, too. In the ‘crazy about you’ way.”_

  
  


  
  


“I’m sorry, Eddy. I really am. I thought- I thought if it was you, maybe the passion would never fade, maybe I would’ve been crazy about you all the time and-”

“This isn’t what love is about, Brett!” he finally cries, getting up from the couch. He wanted to hold back, to wait for Brett to leave before cracking, but the knife slashing the remaining pieces of his heart doesn’t let him. “Love isn’t just passion every day of the year! There are soft moments, there are moments the other pisses you off, there are moments of- of just calm. I’m not crazy about you all the time either, but I still love you.”

“I love you, too, Eddy! Just- just not in _that_ way anymore. But you’re still my best friend, and I- I just- I don’t know where I’m going with this, but I- I don’t want to lose you,” he finishes lamely.

“You’re not- please get out,” Eddy whispers, turning his back on him, and his throat is so tight around his tears, what comes out is a jumble of half eaten words.

“I’m sorry, Eddy. I’m so- so sorry.” Brett is crying too now, and his arms wrap around Eddy’s middle, resting his head between his shoulder blades.

  
  


  
  


> _“Hey!” Brett barged inside the practice room, making Eddy jump and yelp._
> 
> _“What the fuck are you doing here?”_
> 
> _“I love feeling welcomed,” his best friend snickered and opened his violin case._
> 
> _“Don’t get me wrong bro, I like having company for practice, but weren’t you on a date?”_
> 
> _“Yeah… we broke off,” Brett started tuning, more focused on turning the pegs than on the words coming out of his mouth._
> 
> _“Why? What did he do?”_
> 
> _“Nothing, but we just weren’t feeling it lately, it was a mutual decision, so I’m not too sad about it.”_
> 
> _“Man, you fall in and out of love waaaay too easily, you’re gonna need to learn to hang on to something at one point,” Eddy cracked his neck and relaxed his shoulder from the tension he had started accumulating._
> 
> _“Dude, I’m twenty five, I’ve got time. Plus I’ve got you as the one constant in my life. Wanna practice something together?”_
> 
> _Eddy snorted but didn’t push, Brett was a grown adult, his hectic dating life was his problem._
> 
> _“Yeah, alright, I’ve been practicing Bach for too long anyway.”_

  
  


  
  


“Can you please get out?” he utters again, more clearly this time, and Brett recoils from where he was hugging him.

“Yeah, yeah, sure. I’ll go. Just- I just want you to know it’s not your fault, this is so fucking cliché, but it’s clearly a me problem. You’ve done everything right in this relationship.”

He starts to backtrack toward the door he had knocked on not even half an hour ago.

“Wait- what about TwoSet?” Eddy stops him before he can escape for good.

“I- we’ve got enough videos to last us for about two weeks, maybe three if I post only a few videos a week. That’ll give you time to- to make a decision, maybe. I’ll be there, If you ever need me. I’ll wait, alright, if you want to keep TwoSet going I- I’m all for it, if not, I’m- that’s your decision. Just tell me and I’ll take care of it, alright? I know it’s fucking selfish and I’ve no right to wish for that but- I really don’t want to lose you, Eddy.”

“Yeah, I- I didn’t want to lose you either.”

The second the door closes he breaks.

He curls on himself, falling on the floor, face hidden by his knees and cries. He doesn’t even know what he feels any more, half of him wants to call Brett, to have him there, to hold him as he’s breaking down, and the other half wants to never see his face again.

It’s not even ten in the morning, but he already wishes he could go to bed, bury himself under the blankets and pretend today never happened.

Instead he takes a shower, looks down on his naked body and wonders if Brett doesn’t love him anymore because he’s ugly, because his hairline is receding when he’s not even thirty, because he’s got fat around the hips and his muscles aren’t apparent. 

The cold water hits him and he yelps, not expecting it, but even as his skin crawls from the horrendous temperature, at least he’s taken out of his depressing train of thoughts.

_C’mon Eddy, now is not the time to drown in self pity. You’ll just make it worse._

As soon as the water gets hot, his tears mingle with it, trailing down his face, sobs cut out by the fist in his mouth, biting on it and hoping the pain of his teeth against his skin can distract him from the permanent squeeze of his chest.

When he stumbles out of the bathroom, exhausted despite the day just starting, and doesn’t feel any better than before, he grabs his phone and calls the only person that can make his day just a tiny bit better.

_“It’s two in the morning in London, I swear if you don’t have a fucking good reason to call me-”_

“Brett broke up with me,” his voice cracks and he hates it.

He thought there was nothing left in him to cry, but as tears stream down his cheeks again, he realizes he was wrong.

Saying it aloud hurts.

_“What? Why?”_ his sister sounds instantly more awake, and there’s shuffling from the other side of the phone, sheets rustling, and she’s probably getting up.

“He doesn’t-” his throat stops working for a second and he hates how hard it is to say it. “He doesn’t love me anymore.”

_“Oh. Eddy...”_

“I don’t- I don’t get it Belle,” he chokes on a sob, and when the fuck is he going to stop crying? “I don’t get it. I thought I would be enough, I thought we were good, but he- why am I not enough? My own- my own best friend can’t stay with me. If he can’t love me, who can?”

_“Don’t think like that, little bro. A lot of people can and do love you. I mean, I find you can be really annoying, but that’s because I’m your big sister, you’ve woken me up too many times in the middle of the night because you were afraid to go to the toilet alone.”_ This rips a wet chuckle from Eddy’s chest. _“But I’ve seen how you are in a relationship, anybody would be lucky to have you. You’re funny, faithful, patient, you’re a good listener, sometimes you even manages to be smart- really, just because Brett is too stupid to realize that doesn’t mean-”_

“Don’t insult him, please.”

_“Oh, for fuck’s sake, really?!”_

He actually laughs for real this time, in the face of his sister’s indignation.

“He’s still my best friend, hey.”

_“Yeah, well he’s just a brat to me.”_

“You’re not that much older than us.”

_“I don’t need to be older to be smarter. Anyway, I haven’t seen Mom in a good while. What do you say if we take some family vacations? For like, a week?”_

“No, it’s okay. I don’t want to bother you, I-”

_“Okay, I’m buying the plane ticket, see you next week!”_

“What? Belle, no!”

Only the dial tone answers.

  
  


  
  


> _“You’re soooo lucky your sister’s a musician,” Brett whined under his breath. “You can even play tons of stuff together I’m sure.”_
> 
> _They were trying not to attract too much attention to themselves, whispering behind their maths books. Tutoring had stopped being boring since he had met Brett, and Eddy almost felt giddy every time they would sit together, in the classroom or at the Youth Orchestra._
> 
> _“I know,” Eddy preened. “She taught me a lot about music theory too, I’ve passed all my ABRSM exams easily thanks to her.”_
> 
> _“It sucks being the eldest sometimes, I’m always responsible for what my little brother does when my parents aren’t around.”_
> 
> _“Having an older sister isn’t always the best though, Mom thinks she’s always right even when she isn’t, and she just gets away with bullying me. It’s so unfair.”_
> 
> _“That’s because you’re a cry baby, I would bully you too if I was your older brother.”_
> 
> _“You already do!”_
> 
> _“Not when your sister’s around though, I’ve got a feeling she would kill me if she saw she wasn’t the only one to have bullying privileges.”_

  
  


  
  


As it turns out, family vacations are the best remedy for a broken heart. Belle must have briefed everyone because he doesn’t even get a single question about Brett, and even though he can’t completely get him out of his head - there’s always going to be something to remind him of his best friend, they’ve shared too much - at least he isn’t spinning down the negative spirals of his own mind. 

His family is avoiding the subject with such a lack of subtlety that it makes him snort. There was this one time the Tchaikovsky Violin Concerto started playing on his playlist, right after a K-pop song he’d tried to rope Belle and his mom into dancing to. They had started talking so loudly the music couldn’t be heard, as Belle ran to the phone and turned it off, pretending it was ‘ _enough dancing for today_ ’ and he had been so busy laughing at their antics he barely had the time to feel sad.

Nobody even breaches the subject of TwoSet, and it must be one of the first times his mother isn’t nagging him about his future. He has turned off social media, Brett doesn’t even try to contact him, giving him the space he needs, but he spies Belle turning her phone quickly away from his vision when she gets a text, so he supposes Brett must be checking up on him via his sister. Even if it hurts a little, the thought leaves him strangely fond.

When he goes back to his own apartment, a week later, he doesn’t break at the sight of their studio, of the bed they’ve shared so many times, of the couch where they lazed around, of the kitchen in which Brett cooked for him. It hurts, it squeezes his ribcage, part of him still wonders why he wasn’t good enough to keep Brett’s love alive, but he isn’t at a breaking point anymore.

He can reason - Belle’s voice in his mind - he hears her say this isn’t his fault. He hears Brett, too, say this isn’t his fault. And he can believe it, somewhat. Brett has always been like this, he follows his feelings, and as long as the flame burns bright, he’ll be the laughter in his partner’s life, but when the fire dims, he can’t keep up. He’s never been able to believe in calmer romantic relationships, in the slow friendship and easiness that can exist between a couple. It has to move for Brett, it has to be passionate, it has to be bright and explosive. He never dated his friends for a reason.

Until Eddy.

It doesn’t sit well with him, that despite fifteen years of friendship, they didn’t manage to stay more than ten months together.

But now it’s over. It’s over and he still feels sad, but the part of him that never wanted to see Brett’s face ever in his life is fading because his heart is craving the comfort of a best friend that never failed him.

  
  


> _“It’s gonna be okay, bro,” Brett pushed the bubble tea closer to him, nudging him when Eddy didn’t show any interest in the drink._
> 
> _They were supposed to film today, but he didn’t feel like doing anything, he wanted to cry and wallow in self pity, sitting there on his couch._
> 
> _“I don’t- I was so- so invested, you have no idea. I thought it was forever, and now there’s- there’s nothing…”_
> 
> _“I know, I know. I’m so sorry, but you’re gonna be okay I swear. You’re gonna be okay, Eddy.”_
> 
> _Brett wrapped himself around him, arms rubbing against his back, and it didn’t fill the hole inhabiting his chest since Toni broke up with him, but it helped._
> 
> _“I don’t know, man. She was- she was everything for a while.”_
> 
> _“I’m sorry it didn’t last like you wanted to. But hey, at least I’ll always be here if you need me after a bad break up. Some things are meant to last forever.”_
> 
> _“I know. Thank you.”_
> 
> _“Wanna play Smash then go out with some friends later?”_
> 
> _“Weren’t we supposed to work today?” Eddy sniffed as Brett was already getting up to turn on the Switch._
> 
> _“Some things are more important than others,” he sat back on the couch with the controllers, still nudging the untouched bubble tea closer to Eddy. “C’mon, drink the fucking bubble tea. It’s eying me and I’ll end up stealing from you if you don’t take it.”_
> 
> _Eddy burst out laughing and relaxed with his best friend by his side._

  
  


  
  


And suddenly, there’s nobody he wants more than Brett to comfort him over Brett. He doesn’t fully realize what he’s doing but his phone is already pressed against his ear, because it has always been too easy to call him, his fingers know the pattern to call his best friend as well as they know the one to the Sibelius Violin Concerto, muscle memory kicking in.

It doesn’t even take a full second for Brett to pick up.

_“Oh. Hey,”_ he sounds strangely out of breath, not the ‘ _I was just in bed with someone_ ’ out of breath, thankfully - it would probably have sent Eddy spiraling back down - but the ‘ _I can’t believe this is happening_ ’ out of breath.

“You sound surprised.”

_“No- I- I mean. Yes, but it’s just- I wasn’t expecting you- I thought you needed space,”_ Brett babbles and he sounds so nervous it’s almost funny.

“I thought too. But it seems I need my best friend more. Can you… Can you maybe come over?”

_“Yeah! Yeah, sure. I’m-”_ there’s some shuffling on the other side of the phone, Brett’s probably tripping over his own foot as he puts his shoes on in a hurry. _“I’ll be there in fifteen!”_

He knocks on his door not ten minutes later.

“You’re gonna get a ticket for speeding,” Eddy says as a greeting when he opens the door for him, because he knows exactly how much time it takes to go from the house of Brett’s parents to his place while respecting the speed limit, and it is not ten minutes.

Brett’s hair is a mess, he’s unshaved, his eyes are dropping even more than usual and he doesn’t look very healthy. Eddy wants to kiss him, his whole body wants to reach for him and he isn’t ready for the stream of emotions seizing him. He doesn’t have the time to do anything stupid because Brett falls into him, arms coming to close behind his back, face smushed against his shoulder, and they stay like this for a while, hugging on Eddy’s doorstep. 

Until Brett steps back and runs a hand through his hair. It sticks up in every direction and the fact that the strands don’t fall back after is an indicator of how dirty they are.

“I’m sorry, was that okay? How are you? Can I- can I come in? I brought offerings,” he raises the hand that was closed around a plastic bag, and Eddy doesn’t even have to look at the brand to know what is inside.

“How the fuck did you have the time to stop for bubble tea?” Brett just shrugs instead of answering and Eddy doesn’t even want to know how fast his friend drove, it’ll give him nightmares. “Slow the fuck down, if you get in a car crash I’ll never forgive you,” he adds with a frown as he steps away from the doorway, letting him in.

Brett licks his lips and shuffles inside the apartment, looking around like a starved man.

“Sorry. I was- I was a bit scared you would change your mind.”

“I’m not you.”

His best friend looks like he got punched in the guts and winces.

“Fuck, sorry,” Eddy sighs and rubs his face. “That was unnecessarily harsh.”

“No, I deserve it.”

There’s hesitation written in the lines of Brett’s body, a tension in his spine, as if he doesn’t know what he’s allowed to do anymore, he doesn’t even sit, just stays standing in the hallway, the handle of the plastic bag probably digging in his fingers and Eddy shakes his head.

“Look, I called you because I wanted to have my best friend over, not an awkward ex-boyfriend walking on eggshells around me. We can talk alright, we’ve always been able to talk about everything.”

Reliefs seems to cascade down Brett’s body, from his face slackening to his shoulders relaxing, his stance more natural. He sits, finally, takes the two bubble tea out of the bag, there’s condensation gathering on the cups, and some stays on his fingers as he pushes one toward Eddy. The gesture is so familiar it makes a pang sharpens inside Eddy’s chest, and he can’t pinpoint if it’s hurt, fondness, love or pain.

“Thanks.”

He sits beside his best friend, keeping a careful distance because he doesn’t completely trust himself.

“We’re gonna be okay, right?” Brett whispers, biting his lower lip.

He sounds way too vulnerable, like nothing Eddy has heard before and he realizes with a new clarity he isn’t the only one hurting.

“Yeah. We’re gonna be okay.”

“Fuck.”

Relief settles deeper, Brett finally meets his eyes, and he looks tired but a beginning of hapiness is sparking.

“How’s TwoSet?” Eddy asks because he still hasn’t turned his notifications back on and the real world still seems a little overwhelming.

“I’ve just published like three videos last week, so half the fans are complaining, and the other half is like ‘it’s good you guys took a break, you deserve it’ or sometime both at the same time,” he chuckles.

There’s silence, hanging in the air for a while after that, Eddy is mulling over what to say, over what words to choose. Because he selfishly needs to make Brett understand how much he hurt him, but at the same time, he doesn’t wish to inflict more pain upon him; Brett is a mess.

“I’ve always known you were- you were like that in a relationship. That you need that spark, that fire to keep things going. I’ve seen you with every person you’ve ever dated, I’m your best friend for fuck’s sake, I should have known better…” Brett doesn’t say anything, even when the pause in Eddy’s speech lingers. “But still, when things started to calm down between us, when we slowly reverted back to being best friends more than boyfriends jumping each other all the time, I still thought it would be okay. That I would be the exception.” 

“But you are, Eddy, you are! You’re still my best friend, and I just- fuck. I don’t love you less, I just love you differently.”

“Stop saying you love me please, it just- it hurt hearing that right now.”

“Sorry. I’ll stop. I… I’ll stop. But I mean, you’re the exception in the sense that, you’re not my ex, you’re my best friend. Even if we’re not together, like, romantically, I still really really want us to be best friends again.”

“Dude, you’re an idiot. We never stopped being best friends.”

“Can I hug you?” Brett looks ready to cry.

“You didn’t ask the first time, but yeah.”

The embrace is more natural this time, less desperate. It has the same comfort, the same warmth Eddy was used to take from Brett whenever he was hurt, he melts into it.

“We’re gonna be okay, you’ll see. In a few years we’ll laugh about it, and you’ll be with someone cool who won’t break your heart, and we’ll still have TwoSet and each other.”

“It really should feel strange to have you comfort me over you,” Eddy mumbles in his friend’s shoulder.

Brett strangles on a chuckle.

“I guess we won’t need to wait a few years to laugh about it. Wanna play Smash?”

“Nah, I haven’t touched my violin in a while, I need some practice.”

“Same actually, let’s practice together.”

“Yeah.”

  
  


> _He lowered his violin from his shoulder. He was sweating and grinning like a fool, his finger still hurting a bit from all the double stops of the third movement, but he had done it. They had done it._
> 
> _He turned to Brett, and the smile they shared was so big the camera was probably blinded._
> 
> _“Soloist Eddy Chen on the Sibelius Violin Concertooo!” Brett bellowed because he was an idiot._
> 
> _“Thank you guys,” Eddy said to the camera, because if he focused on his boyfriend now, he would probably kiss him, live-stream or not. “Thank you so much for the three million subs! It’s been such an adventure, thanks for sticking with us. Wow, I don’t know what to say- thank you, thank you!” he repeated as congratulations messages and donations kept popping on the chat._
> 
> _He felt Brett look over the screen above his shoulder, his warmth seeping into him, and he couldn’t believe how happy he was._
> 
> _This was his partner, standing there beside him, playing the Sibelius in front of sixty thousand people with him. His favorite musician, his lover, his best friend, his boyfriend. It all mingled together and melted inside Brett’s smile._
> 
> _It didn’t matter, the label, he was his everything._

  
  


  
  


Eddy gets over it, eventually. It is a slow process, but Brett has been his best friend for more than fifteen years before being his boyfriend for less than ten months, so it isn’t as heartbreaking as expected to fall back into easy friendship.

TwoSet keeps going, they’ll reach four millions subs soon, and they’re working so hard on Ysaÿe’s sonata for two violins that his fingers feel ready to fall off after every practice session.

Still, something has to be done.

Brett has been feeling so guilty he passed Eddy every single one of his caprices. It was fun at first, and Eddy might have abused a little bit the fact Brett has literally been unable to say no to him, but things are starting to get ridiculous. 

When Eddy slightly nudges Brett’s legs because he’s taking too much space on the couch, and his best friend falls off because of how close to the edge he was sitting, and then apologizes, he decides this needs to stop in between fits of laughter.

“Bro. You can’t keep doing that,” he chuckles while helping him standing up.

“Fuck, sorry. What did I do?”

“ _That_! Stop feeling so fucking guilty and apologizing every time I say something. That’s not you at all.” Brett doesn’t answer but his face contorts. “I mean it. I’m over it alright, I’m okay and I’m not going to break in tears because you say no to me when I ask if I can have your bubble tea. Honestly I was just messing with you at this point.”

“You fucking little-”

“See? That’s better,” he chortles when Brett rolls his eyes, and he can’t believe he actually missed that expression. “Just treat me normally, I’m not- I’m not angry at you. You don’t have to feel guilty, it’s not your fault you fell out of love, you did nothing wrong.”

“Still, I hurt you,” Brett finally mumbles.

“I hurt you too, but we’re okay now.”

“Yeah, we’re okay.”

It takes no time for normality to bleed back into their dynamics.

  
  
  


* * *

  
  


> _“Eddy you fucker, just give me the pillow back!” Brett growled as he half climbed over his boyfriend to get his possession back._
> 
> _“Why do you even need three pillows to begin with?” Eddy laughed, grabbing him by the waist to roll them over the sheets, keeping the pillow out of reach._
> 
> _“I just do, fuck- Eddy stop kissing me and give me the pillow!”_
> 
> _Eddy was so busy laughing against his lips Brett had no trouble untangling himself from him and finally getting his hands on his favorite pillow, but instead of sagely going to sleep now that he had what he wanted, he choose to hit Eddy’s face with it until they were both laughing so hard he had no oxygen left in his lungs._
> 
> _“You’re such an old man,” Eddy hummed once they were settled, wrapped around each other and ready to drift off, limbs heavy from the play fight._
> 
> _“You’re literally one year younger than me.”_
> 
> _“Still younger.”_
> 
> _“Can I call you brat then?”_
> 
> _“Old man.”_
> 
> _“Brat.”_
> 
> _“Stop annoying me, I can’t sleep because of you.”_
> 
> _“Excuse me? Who stole my pillow in the first place?!”_
> 
> _“Old man.”_
> 
> _“Brat.”_

  
  


Brett is forty when he realizes how much of a dumbass he is.

How ironic really. All those jokes about forty hours of practice, and he had to reach that number to finally understand.

Fire always dims.

He never managed to make any relationship last, because as soon as he’s bored, he’s out.

And now he’s forty. He’s forty and TwoSet has become this huge thing so much bigger than the two of them, he’s forty and Eddy is still at his side, he’s forty and still can’t spell for shit, he’s forty and there’s still so much he wants to do with his best friend.

It’s the 3rd of March, the precise day he turns from thirty nine to forty years old. His birthday party is planned for the next weekend, which is why he startles when his best friend throws an enormous gift in his lap without ceremony.

“Why now?”

“Don’t want you to be embarrassed in front of all of our friends,” Eddy teases as he plops down beside him.

He rips open the package with suspicion, half expecting a sparkly fushia sex toy or something along those lines as payback from the joke he pulled on Eddy last year.

But no.

Inside is a pillow, a huge, fat, soft looking pillow. There’s a post-it note on it - ‘ _Old man’_ it reads. And Brett should be happy because this is such a thoughtful gift with just the right amount of sass to make him laugh. He should say thank you, should throw back a ’ _Brat_ ’, should chuckle and slap his friend.

But instead, he looks at this and he wants to cry.

He loves Eddy.

He loves him so much; they’ve known each other for more than twenty five years now, his whole life is built around him, and he wants nothing more than to keep living the rest of his days with him.

He loves him and he realizes how stupid he is, because Eddy was right. 

‘ _This isn’t what love is about_ ’ he hears his friends say in his head, even ten years later. 

Fire always dims, but fire isn’t love; fire is such a small, almost inconsequential part of it, and how could he have thought those calm evenings with Eddy were anything other than love?

“Dude? Are you alright?”

He has been staying mute for too long now. He should say something but his throat doesn’t want to work.

Is it too late, he wonders, staring at Eddy’s face, to crawl back inside his heart?

**Author's Note:**

> Here it is :) I had a burst of inspiration so I wrote the whole thing in one sitting.
> 
> This will stay open ended. Either you believe Eddy still has it in him to start a relationship again with Brett ten years later, or he’s going to get married three days after Brett’s birthday and Brett’s going to live in regret to his last day. 
> 
> On another note, I really think a friendship as strong as their wouldn’t be that thrown off by a break up, especially if no cheating or heavy kind of mistake was involved. I also believe that falling out of love doesn’t mean you don’t _love_ the person anymore. Also, fire, or passion always, _always_ fade. That’s the point, it’s just a chemical answer our brain produce to keep us with someone long enough to have sex, reproduce and take care of the newborn. So love as we human understand it has nothing to do with this chemical that makes us fall in and out of love regularly, it’s based on something else, that we build on the background while still carried by this fire, so that when it dims, we are left with something even stronger.


End file.
